Like most Mamamamamas and Dadadas, Mamamamama and Dadada have smartphones. They use those smartphones to take pictures of me, play music for me, have video calls with Grandma and Peepa, and CRUELLY TAUNT ME WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF UNHINDERED SCREEN SWIPING.
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| Oh hey guys, eavesdrop much?! |
Every time I get close to one of their smartphones, they move it away from me. The few times I've gotten my hands on one, and begun the glorious practice of screen swiping and icon pressing, it has been quickly whisked away and replaced with the toy pictured above.
Are you kidding me with this doodoo?! Here's what's wrong with my "cellphone":
1. The screen is tiny and has no colour. Also, it cannot be swiped and has no icons to press.
2. It is constantly on speakerphone mode. Call me cautious but I don't want my private conversations broadcast willy nilly around the house. If I want to tell the unknown voice on the other end of the line about what Slobber Bear (my favourite snuggly stuffed teddy) said about Mona the Monkey (handmade for me by my wonderful Auntie M), I certainly don't want Henrietta Hippo (another Auntie M special) to overhear. She's sweet, but can NOT keep a secret.
3. This thing rings constantly. There is no silent or vibrate mode. I can't bring it anywhere. Imagine how embarrassed I'd be if a call came through during my Rainbow Songs baby music class?! So disruptive!
4. It's NOT A REAL PHONE. What am I? A newborn?! I can tell the difference between an awesome real smartphone and a fake toy cellphone. No matter how lovely the music it plays is or how inviting the friendly voices are, can I accidentally call one of Mamamamama's clients on it, or somehow, inexplicably, figure out how to access the App Store and randomly download an "identify this bird" App? No. No I can not.
Bottom Line: WAAAH!!! Nice try Mamamamama and Dadada. Nice try.
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